You stretch back on the bed as hands explore your body. You gently close your eyes and a vision appears: your ultimate fantasy plays out in your mind, and you’re transported out of the here and now, to a new and adventurous place. The sensations in your body build and you writhe with pleasure. You know, logically, that the fantasy is not real, but try telling your body that. Your imagination is figuratively running wild and it’s every bit as satisfying as the real deal.
If you’ve ever wondered why fantasising about sexual escapades gets the job done, you’ve come to the right place. In this article, we will be looking at the underlying neuroscience of fantasy, why your brain triggers a pleasure response, and why it can stop working in the long term. We’ve looked at the latest studies and brought in an expert to share their insights.
Our brains confuse the real and the imagined
There’s a scientific reason the brain sometimes treats an imagined experience as reality. Research published in Neuron scientific journal, looked at a brain region known as the fusiform gyrus, which decides whether what we see is from the outside world or our imagination.
During the study, the researchers asked participants to look for a pattern on a screen, and say whether it was really there or not. The pattern was only there half of the time. At the same time, they told the participants to imagine a pattern and state how vivid it was to them. Researchers measured participants’ brain activity using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI).
Typically, activity in the fusiform gyrus was weaker when things were imagined, rather than perceived. However, in times when participants reported imagining very vivid things, there was strong activity in this brain region. That indicates they were confusing imagination for reality.
The brain activity in this area of the visual cortex matched the predictions from a computer simulation on how the difference between internally and externally generated experience is determined, explained senior author, Professor Steve Fleming from UCL Psychology & Language Sciences, when reporting on the study.
The findings suggest that most of the time our brain interprets real and imagined input differently. However, that’s far from the entire story. When someone has an extremely strong imagination, it can trigger activity in the same part of the brain as reality does. In those cases, the imaged scenario may well feel just as real as anything else in their life.
Why Fantasies Can Be So Satisfying
A common misconception is that fantasies are less satisfying than reality, but that’s not always the case. As the research shows, when you have a vivid imagination, your brain can interpret it as it would a real situation. But that’s not the only reason that fantasies feel good. When you imagine something, your brain anticipates it happening, which activates its reward centre.
The reward system is sensitive to stimuli in the environment, so it will be more activated by something that either has happened before or is likely to happen based on the cues you are receiving, explains Suzannah Weiss, sex therapist and resident sexologist for Fleshy.
To understand what’s happening on a neuroscience level, we first have to separate two things: “wanting” and “liking”. Wanting is the anticipation of something and the pleasure you gain from that experience alone. It is driven by large neural systems that include mesolimbic dopamine. Liking, on the other hand, is what happens when you get the thing and enjoy it. It actually runs on far smaller, more fragile systems that don't depend on dopamine at all.
According to this theory, you’re likely to get more pleasure from the anticipation of something, when dopamine surges, than the experience of actually having it. When we apply that to sexual fantasies, it can explain why they are potent, even when you compare them to real encounters.
When you’re in the midst of a fantasy, your brain conjures an image of it playing out. Your brain won’t always know the difference between that imagined scenario and something you believe will happen. In that case, “wanting” the situation to happen can lead to activity in the mesolimbic dopamine. That’s why you feel pleasure. It can also drive you to repeat the fantasy again.
The body is very responsive to thought alone; there are people who can orgasm just from fantasy, explains Weiss, detailing why fantasies work. Think of how your mouth might water when you think of a food you like. It’s a similar idea: your brain’s sensory cortexes will activate as if you were really experiencing what you’re imagining.
The reason fantasies can stop working
Maybe it has happened to you. You had a sexual fantasy, which was your ‘go-to’ whenever the moment took your fancy and, for a while there, it worked. But then one day, you were surprised to find that it no longer got your pulse racing. No matter how hard your imagination worked, your body failed to respond. It’s all too common an experience, and there’s a good reason for it.
The scientific phenomenon known as the Coolidge effect suggests that sexual interest relies on novelty. It gets its name from an old joke which was said to have happened during a visit by President Calvin Coolidge and his wife to a government farm. As the old tale goes, Mrs. Coolidge saw a rooster mating with a hen and was told it happens every day. She asked the attendants to mention this fact to the President. When they did, the president asked "Same hen every time?" and was told it was a different one, to which he replied they should tell his wife.
Joking aside, the story tells a scientific truth that many people experience. When a sexual partner or fantasy becomes the norm, it is instantly less appealing. This is known as the ‘habituation effect,’ and happens when something or, indeed, someone becomes familiar. In monogamous relationships, that can play out as your live-in partner seeming less alluring. However, the same mechanism could be at play when it comes to an imagined situation.
When a fantasy is less new or novel, your body’s response to it is not as strong, says Weiss.
She explains that this may impact women more than it does men, especially those going through natural hormonal changes. For instance, some women develop an attraction to women when they are older, potentially due to changes associated with menopause or perimenopause.
Of course, that’s not the only reason that a fantasy may become less inviting over time. Should you have a bad experience when it comes to a certain scenario, you will be less willing to go back there. Despite the fact that it’s now all in your mind, it may still feel ‘unsafe’ to you.
Neurologically, the brain may adapt based on positive or negative experiences with something that has appeared in someone’s fantasies, says Weiss. If you have fantasised about a particular kink or sexual act and then had a bad experience with it, the brain regions associated with fear, i.e. the amygdala, or disgust, the insula, may activate and interfere with arousal.
What Our Fantasies Reveal About Us
Fantasy often reflects people’s waking emotional life rather than being a mere escape from it, revealing hidden desires, insecurities, and fears, says Weiss. For instance, many people who are in charge of their lives may fantasise about being submissive in the bedroom. Or, those who are experiencing conflict in their relationships may fantasise about romantic, connective sex.
The experiences we have in real life can direct the type of fantasies we have.Two studies published in Sage Journals looked at how relationship threats impacted sexual fantasies. In the first, participants were told to imagine relationship or non-relationship threat scenes, before describing their sexual fantasy and reporting their attachment style. People who had imagined a relationship threat tended to share sexual fantasies that included distance and hostility.
In the second study, the researchers separated the two types of threat. The first was sexual, i.e. a partner losing attraction to them, and the second was emotional, i.e. them becoming emotionally unavailable. Those who pictured the sexual threat had fantasies of being more sexually desirable, while the emotional threat group focused on self-enhancement and attachment themes. That suggests a longing to stay connected and attractive to their partner.
The overarching takeaway is that sexual fantasies aren’t always about pleasure. They can also serve psychological purposes within our romantic relationships. For example, we might yearn to be more attractive if we think our partner is losing interest. We might want less intimate sexual experience if we see that there is any form of emotional distance in the relationship.
Takeaway
You might think that reality and fantasy are two separate things, but your brain doesn’t always agree. As the original study published in Neuron suggests a fantasy scenario can sometimes activate the same activity in your brain as reality does. That’s not a flaw; it’s the very thing that makes vivid sexual fantasies so satisfying, and quite likely the reason you repeat them.
While they may change or even wane with time, especially with certain life experiences and even hormonal shift, exploring this side of your sexuality can be a safe way to learn more about what arouses you and why. The brain isn’t always neutral about what it rehearses, and your favourite fantasies can reveal more about your inner workings than you realise.
